"There are so many new etiquette dilemmas," says Chow.com etiquette expert Helena Echlin, whose e-mail box is flooded with questions, especially issues posed by incessant cell phone chatter and text messaging. "My job isn't to go around slapping people's wrists and telling them where they go wrong; that's not what etiquette is for me. My job is to help people become even better at being a guest or being a host." So she's answering audience questions here - get all of her tips!

Is it rude when people use their BlackBerry during dinner in a restaurant? "People aren't being rude, they just don't know the rules yet," Helena says. "Here's my advice: If you are having dinner with a friend, unless you're expecting an urgent phone call, actually go ahead and turn your phone off and let them see that you're turning the phone off -- which is a way to make them feel really good and special." If your friends keep their phones on and insist upon texting during a meal, you can cleverly let them know the habit is upsetting. "You could also say, 'Would you like a quiet place to do that?' Which lets them know that it's not really OK to do it at the table."

I told my sister-in-law that I love her banana cream pie to be nice. Now she makes it all the time and I don't know how to tell her I don't like the pie. "We all get ourselves into this fix," Rachael says. "When you tell a little white lie it can turn into an avalanche!"

Helena says that while there's no way to get out of eating the pie, you can redirect the cook's attention to another dish. "You use something called strategic praise," she explains. "Let's say she makes a pumpkin pie. You can be like, 'Wow, this pumpkin pie has such lush, creamy filling and there's just the right amount of cinnamon in it,' and you can even actually go ahead and say, 'Wow. I think I have a new favorite.'"

I hate it when my friends clean their house and prepare for my visits. Is it rude to drop by unannounced? "These days, a lot of people frown on surprise visits because we're so over-scheduled, overbooked and busy and we don't want someone showing up unannounced. But I'm going to go ahead and say that I think surprise visits are great, and the reason why is they don't take any hassle," Helena says. "All the focus is on quality time together, having a cup of tea or a beer or whatever."

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Helena Echlin's Table Manners