"I would describe Dustin as a lovable, caring little boy," says Laurie, who was shocked to learn that her 7-year-old is lying. "I got a phone call from Dustin's teacher and she told me that she had some concerns about Dustin telling some little white lies. He was found with a dollar and the dollar didn't belong to him." (Have you caught your child in a lie? Share your story here!)

He had taken the cash from someone's wallet, yet Dustin says he knows it's "not OK" to lie. So why did he do it? "The person they catch it from most is their parents," says Dr. Victoria Talwar, who studies childhood behavior. "These are the lies that children see and they pick it up like a sponge." What can parents do to teach their kids to live an honest life? Dr. Talwar shares her top tips about kids, lying and how to teach them that honesty really is the best policy.

When lies are good. Kids usually start lying to escape punishment such as blaming a broken vase on a sibling or refusing to admit they ate an extra cookie. Dr. Talwar says 80 percent of 4-year-olds do this, and it's a sign they are actually growing up properly. "It tells us a lot about how they're developing and learning about the world," she says. "If you're really good at lying it requires a lot of cognitive sophistication and intellectual development because you need to keep the lies straight."

Lies, lies and more lies. Kids lie even more between ages 4 and 8 as they test out strategies and learn to communicate, and it usually subsides after that point. "They see that their parents say, 'You're not supposed to lie to me,' and they react negatively, they learn to not lie as much," Dr. Talwar says. "Every time you catch him in a lie you have to be really consistent about the importance of truth."

Look past the lie. While it's normal to be angry or hurt that your kids are lying to you, Dr. Talwar says it's important to get over the initial frustration and find out what is causing this behavior. If you simply punish their action you might be missing the bigger picture as to why they are resorting to dishonesty.

Reward honesty to help kids talk freely. "Give it some credit, recognize it," Dr. Talwar says. "You want to be able to have a relationship where they feel like they can tell you stuff -- even stuff they know you don't want to hear." That's especially important when they hit the teenage years and the problems get bigger. Ultimately, they'll learn to appreciate the notion that the truth really can set you free. "They'll feel good because it's the right thing to do."

Related Links

Talwar Research Team